Just in case you need a laugh:

[Sniper]

UPS Air Cargo


Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.


Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only! major a irline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

*

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

*

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

*

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

*

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

*

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

*

And the best one for last



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.
*

[jason]

Re: Just in case you need a laugh:

That was so cool.

[shorebird]

Re: Just in case you need a laugh:

Funny stuff.

I believe UPS has damaged, beyond repair, three DC-8s. One was high centered over a bridge on a taxiway (can't recall it's identifier) at JFK. Another DC-8 suffered substantial damage on landing I think in ONT when both inboard engine pods struck the runway during a crosswind landing (not the one on youtube).
The third DC-8 had a cargo fire while landing at PHL. It was damaged beyond repair.
A UPS MD-11 received substantial damage (10 mil +) following the collapse of it's nose gear. The collapse was caused by a new Capt. lowering the nose too firmly to the runway on landing roll-out.
A UPS B-767 was damaged substantially after it could not maintain directional control while landing on a wet, non grooved runway in heavy rain.
They also destroyed one of their smaller turbo prop freighters a while back. There may be more, UPS is a very powerful company with a strong union presents at many major airports. They can burry bad publicity by hiding damaged aircraft in hangars better than anyone.

[catalinadave]

Re: Just in case you need a laugh:

I don't think you can class UPS as a major airline. They do not haul passengers, at least the two legged kind.

And I recall correctly QANTAS Airlines has never had a major accident. As far as US Major Carriers, I believe all of them have had an accident or two during their years of operation.


Dave

[aerojock]

Re: Just in case you need a laugh:

This has been passed around for years. I first read it as Air Force write ups.

Jim

[AirDOGGe]

Re: Just in case you need a laugh:

Yeah, I've seen this before too, but they were labeled as the funniest maintenance records logs from several airlines...Not from one single carrier.

...And I recall correctly QANTAS Airlines has never had a major accident. As far as US Major Carriers, I believe all of them have had an accident or two during their years of operation.


Dave

Actually, Quantas no longer "owns" that status...


"Qantas has had two accidents including on September 1999, B-747: Qantas Flight 1, arriving at Bangkok from Sydney, overran runway 15L while landing in a rainstorm. Passengers reported that the aircraft landed long, followed by the sound of increasing engine noise, then the thrust reversers. The aircraft came to rest on a golf course. Qantas also ran off a runway in 1960 in Plaisance, Mauritius. "


The real title now is: "QANTAS Airlines has never had a major accident WITH FATALITIES." Still a record to be proud of, I'm sure.

[dvddude]

Re: Just in case you need a laugh:

This has been passed around for years. I first read it as Air Force write ups.

Jim

This is true. I've read these for years, but still funny.

These all can't have possibly happened at UPS, because of this statement:

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

IFF's or "Interrogation, Friend or Foe" are not installed in civilian aircraft. In the civilian world, they are called a transponder. This list originally came from the military, not UPS.

Funny stuff, even though you are trying to plug UPS!