Tonight I was cleaning up some stuff on my computer and ended up watching some video of the crash. Of course I'm up at 4:30 in the morning because even though I say I'm over it I still don't sleep.
As I watched the video I realize I physically recoil at the impact. But I can no longer seem to feel like I was there. It is becoming "abstract" for lack of a better word.
Jimmy has become to be like Gary in MA II, Rick in the Pond, Gary in his F1, the AT-6 mid air (I never wanted to know their names because I needed to keep it "abstract") and all the other crashes I've witnessed. I saw so many up close but over time they are more a video than an experience.
Healing, processing, forgetting, moving on..... I don't know.
I still feel this hole in my heart but tonight I realized its been there for a while and it is because so many aviators that mattered to me aren't in my life any more. Some because of accidents, some just passed away. In the end how they leave isn't so important. I just miss them all.
I realize I'm moving forward but its painful progress. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. When I talk to friends that never got my love of flying I realized I could never be as connected to them as I am with my friends that share my love of flight.
We that love air racing are the last of the true aviation romantics. We still see heroes rounding those pylons. We understand how 2 MPH in F1 or biplane that sets that new record is ultimately more important than 20 more seats in some random Boeing cattleplane.
We see the clear line from Wright to Curtis to Lindberg to Turner to Johnson to Sharp/Hinton/Shelton..et al. Reno gives us our heroes.
So tonight, Jimmy, I have to let you go. You are always someone I will consider an aviation legend. But I have to make room for the new heroes I hope to see in the air races of the future.
Sorry for the ramble, like I said a sleepless night but this forum seemed like the community most likely to understand what I wanted to share.
Spacegrrrl
As I watched the video I realize I physically recoil at the impact. But I can no longer seem to feel like I was there. It is becoming "abstract" for lack of a better word.
Jimmy has become to be like Gary in MA II, Rick in the Pond, Gary in his F1, the AT-6 mid air (I never wanted to know their names because I needed to keep it "abstract") and all the other crashes I've witnessed. I saw so many up close but over time they are more a video than an experience.
Healing, processing, forgetting, moving on..... I don't know.
I still feel this hole in my heart but tonight I realized its been there for a while and it is because so many aviators that mattered to me aren't in my life any more. Some because of accidents, some just passed away. In the end how they leave isn't so important. I just miss them all.
I realize I'm moving forward but its painful progress. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. When I talk to friends that never got my love of flying I realized I could never be as connected to them as I am with my friends that share my love of flight.
We that love air racing are the last of the true aviation romantics. We still see heroes rounding those pylons. We understand how 2 MPH in F1 or biplane that sets that new record is ultimately more important than 20 more seats in some random Boeing cattleplane.
We see the clear line from Wright to Curtis to Lindberg to Turner to Johnson to Sharp/Hinton/Shelton..et al. Reno gives us our heroes.
So tonight, Jimmy, I have to let you go. You are always someone I will consider an aviation legend. But I have to make room for the new heroes I hope to see in the air races of the future.
Sorry for the ramble, like I said a sleepless night but this forum seemed like the community most likely to understand what I wanted to share.
Spacegrrrl
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